Tuesday, May 28, 2013
This is How I Know I Love You
You know I know I love you because I want to get you soup when you’re sick. Not only do I want to get it for you, I want to make it for you so you can eat something made with love instead of with crushed insects and preservatives. I know I love you because I want to slap anyone who hurts you, even if it’s your boss. I want to hold you when you’re having a nightmare and kiss the spot that hurts when you bump into something. I know I love you because I want you to be healthy even when you’re not sick, and that’s why I keep bugging you to change your crappy eating ways even though I know you’re over hearing about it.
I know I love you because I worry about the stuff only people who love you worry about, like the amount of quality sleep you get a night and how much you drink when you’re sad and whether you’re getting enough vitamin B. Like probably more than your mom does, I’m not sure she especially cares about vitamin B. I know I love you because I freak out when you’re obviously disintegrating yet too stubborn and too “I’m fine” to actually go to the doctor, even though I do that sort of thing myself.
I know I love you because I think you’re beautiful even when you’re not. And I don’t mean good-looking, I mean beautiful, beautiful like there’s something pervasive and magnetic about you that comes through even when you look positively bad. I think you’re beautiful even when you’re hungover and puking your guts out, covered in hives, or when half your face is purple and swollen because you decided to cosplay Fight Club and punched yourself in the eye too hard. I know I love you because I think you’re beautiful even when you’re wearing Crocs and that’s no small accomplishment.
I know I love you because I can’t abandon you, not even when you’re being a dick. Not even when you’re being ten dicks. Normally I don’t put up with that sort of behavior but I love you and I understand you’re stressed or frustrated or PMS-y so I’ll let it slide for a little bit. But I also love you enough to call you out on it when it gets to be too much. I know I love you because only people who love you care to say something about your bad behavior instead of saying nothing and just calling you an asshole behind your back.
I know I love you because I want to listen, I really do. I don’t have anywhere to be that can’t wait for a while and I’m not checking my phone, in fact turned it off and buried it in the cushions the moment you said you needed me. I’m here for you and that other thing can wait.
I know I love you because I’m truly concerned with how your life turns out. It’s not just that I want you to “be happy” or attain that vague self-helpy “inner peace” bullshit we’re all supposed to aspire toward, I want you to express yourself and be fulfilled and feel like you’re living life for a good reason, not just passing the time. I want everything to work out for you the way it should and I want to be there for it, occasionally with champagne.
And I’m genuinely convinced that I love you because I want to do things for you that I don’t want to do for anyone, ever. Examples: I’ll babysit your loud sticky children when you have them. I’ll bring you ice water and take care of you when you eat too much ecstasy like an idiot. I’ll even stand there patiently with a video camera as you attach piranhas to your nipples when you’re broke and trying to get on Jackass, all that and more. That’s how I know I love you, and I hope you know it too.
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Thursday, May 16, 2013
10 Pickup Lines that Will Get you the Biggest Response
10 Pickup Lines that Will Get you the Biggest Response
How to approach women and get noticed
It’s so important to meet women as often as you can. Some people wait for the opportunities to fall into their laps, and even then they are too shy to act on it. How many times have you been in line at a grocery store, doing your laundry or reading at the library when a very interesting girl catches your eye? And what happens when that woman, who is naturally drawn to you asks you a question? Most guys freeze up because they are completely unprepared, or they get freaked out because it’s been too long, or because of some other excuse.
Don’t miss out on another opportunity to talk to a girl. Dating is somewhat of a numbers game. The more you try, the better your chances at finding the right one. That’s where these pickup lines come in handy. Now please, don’t view these as your typical one liners. These are more like conversation starters. The idea is to get the girl to respond positively and hopefully stick around long enough to give you her BBM pin or add you to her contacts.
- “Hi there! I have to tell you, that is a beautiful bracelet. I’d love to get one like it for my date tomorrow night.” Once she tells you where she got it, ask her to be your date. She’ll be flattered that you appreciate her great taste and it’s a bonus that you’re also interested in her.
- “Who is your dentist? You have the most beautiful smile.” This is a great compliment to show her you appreciate a woman who takes care of her teeth and also that you like her smile. Listen to her answer and keep eye contact to keep the conversation going.
- “Can I use your pen? I’d really like to get your number.” If suddenly her pen stops working, improvise! Save her number in your cell phone or memorize it if you have to. You can write it down later when you get the chance.
- “Hi, nice to see you! You’re so pretty – you look like my next girlfriend.” If she has a sense of humour, she’ll get a kick out of this one. Keep going with a compliment. Tell her what attracted you to go over and speak to her. Girls respond to honesty and humour.
- “Do you think I can get your number, when you have a minute?” This lets her know that you don’t want to intrude on her time. She’s probably busy, but let her know that you’ll wait for her if you have to. Tell her that you couldn’t let this great opportunity pass.
- “I see you like milk. I know an Italian place that makes the best Alfredo sauce that I would love to take you to – When are you free?” This one’s a bit long, so make sure that you pause to get her reactions before you rattle the whole thing off. She will be impressed that you want to set a date sometime soon and will already start considering your offer.
- “I can’t believe I didn’t see you until now. Let me make it up to you over coffee later today?” This line is perfect if you see a girl who looks busy and is about to disappear from your life. She will be intrigued by what you have to say, so make sure that you tell her why you two had to meet.
- “You have the most incredible hair. What do you say to showing it off while dancing with me tonight?” She’ll be happy about the compliment, but make sure that you keep the conversation going. Ask her about her favourite music and clubs in the area, and then bring focus back to your date.
- “Sweetheart, do you think you could take a chance on me? I feel so lucky to have met you.” This one works great for the girl that believe in chance and destiny. If she smiles or gives you any type of encouragement, remember to follow up with an offer to spend time together, like going for a walk, going to an art gallery, catching the local pee-wee baseball game, or any other fun activity you had in mind.
Stick to these lines and feel free to improvise and have fun! Just make sure that you don’t wait too long to get around to asking her out. She will see that you’re not very serious if you don’t propose a date. Become a date magnet and don’t let any girl slip through your fingers again.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
How Shy People Flirt
What Eye Contact?
That's right - shy people hate eye contact, so you can imagine their dilemma when eye contact is the key ingredient to flirting successfully! Shy people will often do the classic 'quickly look, quickly look away' trick. There are numerous disadvantages to this; firstly, the person they're trying to flirt with won't even pick up on the subtle sign. Secondly, the shy person may look a little strange or suspicious with their eyes continuously darting all over the place!
That's right - shy people hate eye contact, so you can imagine their dilemma when eye contact is the key ingredient to flirting successfully! Shy people will often do the classic 'quickly look, quickly look away' trick. There are numerous disadvantages to this; firstly, the person they're trying to flirt with won't even pick up on the subtle sign. Secondly, the shy person may look a little strange or suspicious with their eyes continuously darting all over the place!
Hide N' Go Seek
Another classic flirting technique of a shy person is known as the childish 'hide and go seek'. This technique is often used as a last resort, when the shy person has given up all hopes of even approaching their crush. You will commonly notice them hiding behind their textbook, or any other object large enough to cover their face.
Like flirting, but with the added sting of sarcasm, the shy person often hides behind being cynical or slightly negative when talking to their crush. They try to act cool, intelligent, and even a little bit like a jerk because they lack the courage to just come out and say it: "I like you. A lot". Awkward!
Permanent Friend Zone
Ouch, this one is bound to hurt! Often a shy person will achieve the status of finally "being friends" with their crush, however this is where their ambitions end. The shy person will lack the courage to pursue anything more than friends, so "in the friend zone" they will forever stay.
New Friend Request
The invention of Facebook was an answer to the prayers of many shy people for a number of reasons. Firstly, they're able to simply click a button in order to "friend" their crush. Secondly, once the friend request has been accepted, the shy person is then able to begin what is known as "Flirtbooking" - engaging in the odd 'like' or 'poke' here or there. Sadly, the flirtation does not extend into the real world for those who are extra shy...
Stalker Alert!
While some shy people can only work up the courage to send a friend request on Facebook to their crush, others take it a little step further and may come across as being "stalkerish". This often includes multiple 'likes' of photos, statuses, wall posts, etc. The biggest hint that you've got an avid, but shy, fan on your hands? When they like your photos or statuses from years ago...
Flirting Through Music
Shy people also use the common trick of telling their crush to listen to a particular song, because "it's really cool, you'll probably like it!" Often unknown to the crush, the song will sum up the shy person's feelings and affections towards them. If the crush becomes a little suspicious about the lyrics or meaning of the song, the shy person can simply shrug it off as having "an awesome guitar riff" or "sick drums"...
Bursting With Emotion
Shy people often utilise alcohol as a confidence elixir, and it isn't hard to see why! Suddenly they feel more courageous and silly than they ever have, and you know what this means? They're ready to confess their feelings to you! If a usually shy person suddenly starts being very affectionate or flirtatious with you once they're under the influence of alcohol, then you know they've been crushing on you all along...
Pearly Whites
Shy people feel as though the safest option for them to show their affection to their crush is simply to smile at them. This is a risk-free move because, lets face it, everyone smiles at everyone these days! Like most flirting options chosen by shy people however, this one is super subtle, and will often go unnoticed.
The Starer
Shy people sometimes even work up the courage to stare at their crush - gasp! The only problem with staring is that it has a 50/50 chance of being successful. Either the person being stared at will think it is a compliment because they find the person staring at them to be quite attractive, or stranger-danger alarm bells will ring in their head and they will find it creepy!
The Laughing Addict
We've all come across someone like this - the person who laughs at absolutely everything! Often this laughter is a nervous laugh from a shy person, who feels that if they laugh at everything their crush says or does, then it will come across as flirting. While happy and bubbly people are often found attractive, laughing at a story of someone's pet getting hit by a car or an equally as sad story will not win you any brownie points!
The Friends Blanket
Shy people seem so confident and sure of their feelings towards their crush whilst they are with their friends, but then as soon as it's just one-on-one time with their crush, they become all shy again! Shy people will often use their friends as a safety blanket, so if you find they act disinterested or distant while they're alone with you, this just means they find it hard to flirt without the back-up of their friends.
Favors Galore
Have you got a shy friend who seems to always go out of their way to help you? Looks like this friend might have a little bit of a crush on you! Shy people will often do favors for the person they like, however they will mask these favors as simply "just trying to help out / be nice". To shy people, this is flirting.
Cell Phone Flirting
You probably realize by now that shy people aren't too great with the whole "flirting face-to-face thing". Another trick shy people use to flirt with is their cell phone or computer. They will find it extremely easy to be flirtatious over text message or via a chat session, but as soon as you see them in person they act disinterested or pretend they didn't see you just to avoid any awkwardness.
Silent Witness
Shy people will gladly take part in a conversation with their crush, but only as far as listening goes! You might notice that a shy person will never ask questions or delve deeper into your personality or interests - they just simply don't have the courage! Shy people will instead satisfy their curiosity by asking other people about you, or by checking out your social media pages for more information.
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